Even if you’re not in the middle of a major life transformation (like getting sober), ’tis the season of heightened (and frequently disappointed) expectations, family tension, financial strain, social pressures and sugar blues.

For people who have recently stopped drinking, the first few holiday seasons can be the hardest.

"There’s a feeling of missing something," said Jan Tice, executive director of Janus, a drug and alcohol treatment program in Santa Cruz County. "Not only the drug or alcohol, but the ability to celebrate and have a good time like everyone else or at least your image of what everyone else is experiencing."

That feeling of being on the outside is best treated with repeated application of support, according to J’Ann Raines, a counselor at ALTO drug and alcohol outpatient clinic in Santa Cruz.

"It’s important to be aware of the isolation factor around the holidays," she said. "Even if we’re not going to events where alcohol is served, we need to be engaged with people in safe situations.

For thousands of local recovering alcoholics and addicts, the 12-step community — groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Marijuana Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous is central to their holiday survival, no matter how long they’ve been sober.

Here are some tips from local recovery professionals and Alcoholics Anonymous literature on how recovering alcoholics can stay sober and how their friends and family can lend a hand during the holiday season.

1. Line up extra non-alcoholic activities for the holiday season.

If you’re part of a 12-step program, try adding more meetings, as well as social gatherings with other recovering alcoholics.

"It may sound kind of dismal to sit around with a bunch of ‘losers,’ drinking coffee, telling horror stories," Tice said. "But actually a lot of meetings have a real party atmosphere."

2. Plan B: Have an alternate plan when attending events that might be stressful.

You never know when the urge to drink might hit and knowing how to leave an event with grace and good will is a survival skill.

"I don’t think about it as an escape plan," Raines said. "But more about about how we can stand forward and take care of ourselves. Taking care of other people’s feelings first is really dangerous and it is possible to say, ‘I’m leaving now’ without being defensive, deceitful or aggressive. If they’re offended, then they need to deal with their stuff around that.

People don’t always understand that this is a devastating disease we’re dealing with."

3. Be honest with yourself

The ability to assess whether a situation is potentially risky for a recovering alcoholic’s sobriety is a skill developed over time.

"Some people say that recovery is a program of rigorous honesty," Tice said. "I’ve had to really build my ability to self-assess and be honest with my response. If I’m feeling vulnerable, I won’t walk into a high-risk situation."

4. Know your party

When you’re invited to a party, find out whether it will be a drinking party or a party where people will be drinking?

"If it’s a situation where alcohol is the center of activity, I say no," Tice said. "But I will be more likely to go to a party where there might be drinking going."

5. Keep a list of support phone numbers with you at all times. If the urge to drink or use hits, don’t do anything until you’ve called a supporter.

6. Practice saying no to a drink

Many recovering alcoholics and addicts are reluctant to face the offer of a drink with the announcement that they’ve got a drinking problem.

But there’s more than one way to refuse a drink without being deceitful, defensive or aggressive. Some suggestions include:

"I’ll say, ‘I’ve had enough, thank you,’" Tice said. "I always keep a full glass of something going at a party so I can say ‘I’ve got one, thanks.’ I’ll also put a lime in my soda so I blend in more."

7. Celebrate the way you want to

"It’s such a time of magnified expectations," Raines said. "Often people in recovery are carrying shame that they haven’t met expectations in the past and so they charge in trying to be model people.

But we really need permission to say what we really want to do. It’s a time to nourish that sense of entitlement: the right to say, ‘What does this mean to me? What is healthy for me?"

Throwing a Party?

You may think you know your friends and family, but as recovering alcoholics in early sobriety might not be ready to talk about it. If you’re hosting a party this season (or any season), how can you make sure that ALL of your guests feel well taken care of?

Here are a few tips:

1. Provide a variety of non-alcoholic drinks.

"It’s a bummer when you go to a party and they say ‘We’ve got Diet Coke, rum, tequila, scotch, wine, champagne and beer,’" said Jan Tise. "If you’re offering the drinkers a wide variety of options, do the same for the non-drinkers."

2. Put the non-alcoholic drinks in a prominent place.

You may also consider making the main punch non-alcoholic and offering alcohol elsewhere.

"There’s something very affirming to alcoholics about being taken care of like that," Tice said. "Then they don’t have to be the geek. And the people who want alcohol are always going to be able to find it."

3. If there’s alcohol in any of the food or the punch, let everyone know with a label.

Contrary to popular opinion, alcohol never completely cooks out of food. According the the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Human Nutrition Information Service, a pot roast containing one cup of burgundy and cooked for 2½ hours retains 5 percent of the alcohol. That may not seem like much to a non-alcoholic, but sometimes just a taste of alcohol can be a trigger for those in early recovery.

"It’s nice to know there’s brandy in the cookies before you put them in your mouth," Tice said.

4. If someone says they don’t want any — wine, beer, scotch, peppermint schnapps — don’t offer it again.

Freshen up their ice instead. Offer them a lime wedge and a pat on the back.

Contact Nancy Redwine at nredwine@santacruzsentinel.com.

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